To Thine Own Self be True by Lewis M. Andrews Ph.D.

I picked up this book, “To Thine Own Self be True”  by  Lewis M. Andrews , Ph.D. , (1989 edition;222 pages) to search the answer to these questions: What does it mean to be true to oneself? Is it possible to be   unethical  and still  claim that one is true to oneself? Why should we be true to ourselves? I am happy that this book has been able to provide the answer. The book quotes somewhere near the end:

·                “This above all: to thine own self be true,

·                  And it must follow, as the night the day,

·                 Thou canst not then be false to any man.” . . . . . .              Shakespeare       (Hamlet  Act 1, Scene 3).

    There is a connection between  spiritual values and emotional health. Emotional problems/ bad mental health    include  negative emotions  like    depression , guilt , feelings  of worthlessness, indecision , boredom , fear , frustration , loneliness and anxiety. There is a connection between  the most common negative emotions  and particular unethical behaviours  which cause them.  Spiritual values are  the elevating ethical beliefs  what Alduous Huxley called “the highest common denominator”. Deliberating reforming our characters  is the essence of  effective self-help.  Basic truths we have always known  are in our hearts.  Listen to these and be true to your deepest selves. In other words , if you are not true to your self , you are likely to have a poor emotional health. You cannot and should not reject inner values and  manipulate the overt behaviour of self and others.

        The approach of Dale Carnegie in  his book “How to Win Friends and Influence People” is manipulative. It advocates using a technique  on your friends. It is a real trap where  social success is  existential failure. Habitual role-playing (going through the motions)  is also a kind of sickness. Appearing to be a kind of person   you  think others expect –more amusing , more attractive, more competent- is role playing. There is an emotional cost of hiding your true self. Avoid needless role –playing. Be responsive to your innermost  self. Express consciously who you are. Reveal your true personality. Only then you have  any chance of achieving  genuine intimacy with another person.   What is called for is a conscious effort to change the ethical quality of our every day interactions. If you are a writer, write out your thoughts  without catering to  some rigid standards fixed by a professor .The awareness that being true to one’s self liberates qualities which  by their spontaneous nature, are far easier to sustain  over the long run , becomes a powerful force for conscious and unconscious change.

To be able to be true to oneself,  one has to be free from grudges, resentment and hostility against  others. To carry a grudge  is a very crippling mental condition. Cleanse yourself of all malicious thoughts. Never allow  yourselves  to entertain malicious thoughts , under any circumstances  no matter what the provocation. By carrying a grudge , you  are hurting  yourself .It is better to forgive people deliberately. It is in your own interest.  Passing some malicious gossip is also an act of resentment. Resentment is the process of being stepped  on , allowing some one else to push us around. It does not matter that you are doing exactly the  opposite of  what a person wants. If you were really free ,you won’t do that . Resentment leads to  despair and depression. Let no one live in your head rent free.

Never ignore guilt through arbitrary self acceptance. It is better to face guilt and repent and atone  .

Each time you attempt to mislead others  or to rationalize a decision  you don’t really believe in , an actual breakdown of consciousness occurs .Don’t  be evasive to small threats. Face them.  Speak truthfully so that people can depend on your word. Even in the tough world of  labour and management conflict resolution , don’t play a negotiating game. Forsake manipulation. Manipulators attract only counter-manipulators. Betraying confidences  is an excellent indicator  that your intention is  manipulative.

To overcome your hyper-anxiety , share your disturbing thoughts  with another person.”Writing  about   your anxieties for brief periods  appears to have the same  healthful effect  as confiding the thought to  a real person”. Alcoholism and other addictions  are primarily a response  to unfulfilled  spiritual potential.

           This book , written by a qualified psychologist,  clarifies many  ethical  issues which we face in our lives. It  can change your life and make your emotional health better. I recommend you to read it.