I picked up
this book, “To Thine Own Self be True”
by Lewis M. Andrews , Ph.D. ,
(1989 edition;222 pages) to search the answer to these questions: What does it
mean to be true to oneself? Is it possible to be unethical
and still claim that one is true
to oneself? Why should we be true to ourselves? I am happy that this book has
been able to provide the answer. The book quotes somewhere near the end:
· “This above all: to thine own self be true,
· And it must follow, as the night the day,
· Thou canst not then be false to any man.” . . .
. . . Shakespeare (Hamlet Act 1, Scene 3).
There is a connection between spiritual values and emotional health.
Emotional problems/ bad mental health
include negative emotions like depression , guilt , feelings of worthlessness, indecision , boredom , fear
, frustration , loneliness and anxiety. There is a connection between the most common negative emotions and particular unethical behaviours which cause them. Spiritual values are the elevating ethical beliefs what Alduous Huxley called “the highest
common denominator”. Deliberating reforming our characters is the essence of effective self-help. Basic truths we have always known are in our hearts. Listen to these and be true to your deepest
selves. In other words , if you are not true to your self , you are likely to
have a poor emotional health. You cannot and should not reject inner values
and manipulate the overt behaviour of
self and others.
The approach of Dale Carnegie in his book “How to Win Friends and Influence
People” is manipulative. It advocates using a technique on your friends. It is a real trap where social success is existential failure. Habitual role-playing
(going through the motions) is also a
kind of sickness. Appearing to be a kind of person you think others expect –more amusing , more attractive, more competent- is role
playing. There is an emotional cost of hiding your true self. Avoid needless
role –playing. Be responsive to your innermost
self. Express consciously who you are. Reveal your true personality.
Only then you have any chance of
achieving genuine intimacy with another
person. What is called for is a
conscious effort to change the ethical quality of our every day interactions. If
you are a writer, write out your thoughts
without catering to some rigid
standards fixed by a professor .The awareness that being true to one’s self
liberates qualities which by their
spontaneous nature, are far easier to sustain
over the long run , becomes a powerful force for conscious and
unconscious change.
To be able to be true to
oneself, one has to be free from
grudges, resentment and hostility against
others. To carry a grudge is a
very crippling mental condition. Cleanse yourself of all malicious thoughts.
Never allow yourselves to entertain malicious thoughts , under any
circumstances no matter what the provocation.
By carrying a grudge , you are hurting yourself .It is better to forgive people
deliberately. It is in your own interest.
Passing some malicious gossip is also an act of resentment. Resentment
is the process of being stepped on ,
allowing some one else to push us around. It does not matter that you are doing
exactly the opposite of what a person wants. If you were really free
,you won’t do that . Resentment leads to
despair and depression. Let no one live in your head rent free.
Never ignore guilt through
arbitrary self acceptance. It is better to face guilt and repent and atone .
Each time you attempt to mislead
others or to rationalize a decision you don’t really believe in , an actual
breakdown of consciousness occurs .Don’t
be evasive to small threats. Face them. Speak truthfully so that people can depend on
your word. Even in the tough world of
labour and management conflict resolution , don’t play a negotiating
game. Forsake manipulation. Manipulators attract only counter-manipulators. Betraying
confidences is an excellent
indicator that your intention is manipulative.
To overcome your hyper-anxiety ,
share your disturbing thoughts with
another person.”Writing about your anxieties for brief periods appears to have the same healthful effect as confiding the thought to a real person”. Alcoholism and other
addictions are primarily a response to unfulfilled spiritual potential.
This book , written by a qualified
psychologist, clarifies many ethical
issues which we face in our lives. It
can change your life and make your emotional health better. I recommend
you to read it.
